Handing me a bottle

I clean your room again
Prepare healthy meals
Hope you are able to grow up

Please be strong and man the fuck up

You are no princess
Fight for survival

Adore you,

Shivafeli

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Nudity

Sir of good will
I wake up to a nightmare
The one moment I am changing into my sports clothes
The next moment my nakedness is seen by everyone
I do not feel ashamed, weirded out by their reaction
After they saw me, their vision of the future changed

clothes were covering me
Isn’t the realness in my soul? Reflected through my eyes
I fell in love with a man of honor, ambitions
I don’t see him that often
More than once a year
I desired to only share my soul and body with him

Yet when his presence was lost
At the tiem I lost a family member
The desire for lust was thrown away
Ousted
A pearl is there for you at crucial moments

You seel his guidance and support at crucial times
I lost that platonic desire once more when I recognized the love I have for the one who I started shivafeli for

The man who will be in my will for changing my life for the better
His presence has opened doors, still is
I have this gift to fall in love with souls touched by the divine
Some become warriors of thy lord

Life is a struggle and I couldn’t describe a better life for me than the one I have right now
Realistically
There is significant chance he is not my man made in heaven

His handsome appearance and humor makes it very hard for me to forget him
I love him
In a very weird and distinctive way
I pray for him, for him to meet the perfect wife and have kids with, a dream life

I recognized something in his eyes and it won’t leave me, years before we properly met
We saw each at two different occasions during childhood and puberty
It does not make sense to me anymore

So I had to discipline my desire into a hope of good fortune to myself first
He will be alright
I will be perfectly fine

Just because you desire and see someone throughout special times in your life… it should not be labeled as love
Energy between two best friends is greater than love
love isn’t always on time, friendship is my dear

He may not be my lover, a teacher of life is of greater value
I am very proud that I put this desire aside
Only when he is present.. things get though
For I hate myself for not letting him in.. for ignoring him or walking away

I am a walking contradiction and I fell in love
Love at first sight
At a life changing moment of spirtual thoughts
I have come to realise that it was just a moment and feelings are what you make of it rationally

The comfort and safety I feel with you is in great contrast to the energy of lust and excitement I feel with him
Both men I have never kissed, I have thought about kissing them
Their souls have made an impact till this day

If I die tomorrow I might not have tried enough to communicate with him but I did..
Energy has told energy all of the words poets used, the description of holding gold for the first time
Focus on love in other aspects of my life
I have loved the lord throughout my darkest and happiest hours
And this love is a constant support

In stillness lays feelings
The water sees and doesn’t tell
Any of the passing travelers
Staring to see they have company

You are out of my mind, in my heart, written in ink in my soul

Shivafeli

It would not make sense to you

I could write your name down here and make you or your friends find this
I could tell story after story how I once loved you
How I once adored you, you ran away and Nothing made sense anymore

The absence I experienced when you were not around was pleasant at first
My mind stops thinking of you until two weeks before you return
I could tell you this all, only if it made sense

There is no war, I do not have to flee
We are silenced over the waters
Never we hear what is coming
Detect with our eyes, the situation now is that my eyes do not seek you anymore, I love myself more than I will ever love you

You calculate how you hear and try to comfort me on the non crucial.moments
Do not back away from me love
I am sorry that I have hurt you with my distance
It is only a shield for my feelings

Beloved, I have to accept that one day I will forever be your friend and nothing more
A friendship is something I cherish, I do not believe in a stronger love
The walls I have build are surrendering to wisdom and no material things

Shivafeli

Cold blood

Homesick to arms and hands that I can still feel
When there is no love in sight
This new energy keeps me returning to you
Surrounded by so many family members, I feel so alone

If you want more love why don’t you say so?
I desire to walk away and to never see them again
A goal on my mind not to ever see you again

Because I know I desire a love greater than anything I’ve ever known
After you pulled me in your personal space I cannot seem to forget you

It is very difficult if your family doesn’t support you or values you
Luckily my athletic abilities and studies do

I’m done with you, loveless family
Today I love you a little less

Go away please,

Shivafeli

Sun

I do not know if it was indifference or missing loyalty on both of our behaves
Thoughts of memories, walks we made in the past
Stirred me around, such as wolves approach their preys

How can you be loving and charming now yet of no support when I lost a loved one
I’m not sure if I am capable of a good analysis
Were you afraid to say anything

How dare you to play with my heart again
And dear God, why am I so naive to open up the windows I had closed
I loved you, I have always loved you but you will never be mine

You don’t seem to know,

Shivafeli

Hanging under a painting of the universe

I forgot where we where, two white pillows on top of each
Symmetrical again
Golden stars, lines connected..
We would share the same.view on this double bed
An open invite so lovely, many invisible couples to us have experienced the same view
Sharing a look of comfort, completion
Snap back behind my white desk
Three metres of windows

White clouds in the shape of a persian horse pass me by
Are they there as I imagined
Opened the door again, stare at the clouds

Somewhere sit at the kitchen floor
When guests near, close to the ground is my safe haven
Years we spent there
Watching cartoons
All of the decent love, the body remembers and gets back into act

Memories overlapse in affection
Affected by the love I feel for you
As your energy has always been with me
Seeking opportunities for lego in the real word

The patterns complement
Fantasy and reality
In a parallel universe,  we were both playing lego at the same time, with each of our toys
I don’t mind dear, babe,
I have come to a place where our friendship is all
We are closer in each other, space of our persons, as it has always been

Love is energy, always belonged to you and our friends

Adore you and your love for me,

Shivafeli

Sunflowers covered with the raging sunset

Shut your eyes and
Lay down sideways
The doors have been closed
Questions seem to mean something, I can not grasp

Sunflowers blossoming symmetrical field, the lines used to love the foreign blue of my eyes

You do not recognize my voice anymore?
It seems to be lost every time I lose
My role on this earth, I can sense it
Grasping the truest window

A different gasp of gravity
Perspective of a human laying sideways on thy floor
Limited vision, paths in between the door seek eyes that rest

As how my pet finds relief resting on humans feet,
I too desire to lay with you
Relieved

Adore you,

Shivafeli